I realized how slow we, as adults, resist learning. I’ve often heard it said that as we get older, our thought processes slow down and it isn’t as easy for us to learn. Is this true? Or is it simply we don’t want to learn?

When my daughter Kelsey was four years old I was watching her one day, I noted some differences between children and adults. The fact is, I was getting prepared to scold her, when it occurred to me that I should be quiet and study the situation instead. I was observing how she was learning to work with what she has and the tools around her.

Kelsey had dumped a small bucket of mud and stones on the pad behind the house which is typically where we set up our outside table and umbrella. My wife, Crystal, often cleaned this area by spraying it with the water hose, which washes pebbles and dust from it.

Before I could scold her she whipped out two brooms she had collected from where we keep our outside tools. Why two? Because there were only two! Likely she didn’t know which one would do the best job, so she brought them both. The first broom she dragged across the mud with the brushes pointing upwards. This obviously did not produce the effect she was trying to achieve so she discarded that broom in favour of the other one. The other broom she dragged across the mud with the brushes pointing toward the pad. This was achieving the result she expected.

She studied the two brooms for only a glimmer of a second. She discarded the second broom and picked up the first one again, and this time she had the brushes pointed toward the mud.

Finding the right tool, and learning how to use it is part of the daily life for someone who is 4 years old. Each day is filled with new challenges and they greet it with such enthusiasm. Could our lives benefit by adopting such a strategy? Could our businesses benefit from us learning at least one new thing everyday?

About The Author

Steve MacLellan is the author of “How to Build Used Car Websites” and has been doing web development for small/medium sized businesses since 1998.

http://carsite-marketing.com

steve@carsite-marketing.com

Goals are something we put out in front of ourselves to reach one day. But who sets our goals. If someone else had set them for you to reach, should you attain them or another. If they belong to another why should you ever reach those goals, they are not for you. But the more we try the more disheartened we become. In this case our failures are our saviors. They, our failures, are there to prevent us from living an unauthentic life living out some one else’s goals. They are there to keep us from living some one else’s life. So who has set your goals?

Now if we have set our own goals, and we find ourselves not there yet; there is still something for us to learn yet so we may access them. It is like getting a pair of running shoes before you have learned to crawl. Even holding onto those sneakers for the future would be no good. By then your feet would have out grown them. The secret is in the symbol on the shoe. Victory comes from just doing it. As long as you are in the process of your life, all is fine. But if you are putting off what you deserve for another day, it might never come.

One of my Grandfather’s goals was to work hard and retire, so he could enjoy life later. He was one of the first State Troopers in the country back in New Jersey. He Served under General Schwarskophf’s father for many years as the head of traffic safety. Now every day before and after his shift at the barracks he would farm his tree nursery to save that money for the good life when he retired. As he bent over and felt the strain in his back from balling another tree, his thoughts went to the future enjoyment he would receive. As he bent over a second time and felt the strain in his back from balling just another tree, the thoughts of all the time he would have later in life to play golf and travel would sustain him. Well he retired right on schedule and he became ill. I knew him most of my life as the Grandfather who rarely left his bedroom who could not stand loud noise. A man who held a lot of authority in his youth had no voice in his maturity. He had his larynx removed. But besides that I still do not know why he never left his room and his bed? I can not recall any other ailments he had. Only thing I can imagine is that his life had left him before his body did. Too many years of being ignored. Life was always something to behold later and not in the moment.

Another one of his goals was to provide for his family? So he would work long hard hours and be on call at all hours of the night. Then in the morning be out in the field alone until he had to be at the barrack once again. He escorted rich widows from the grocery store and back, paraded and protected presidents such as Wilson and Roosevelt, Solved the Palisades Heights Murder, and was in Society column next to the Dows, the Vanderbuilts, and Rockefellers. He was always away from his family providing for them. Now as my Father looks back on him, he can not remember much about him until he got sick. At that point it was not hard to nail him down for a good game of Gin. But thirty years had slipped by. Yes, my Father’s house was paid for in the first five years thanks to my Grandfather’s savings, but I think my Father would of much preferred much more of his time a bit earlier.

Is it Too late to reassess? No it never is, but it is harder the longer you wait. Because the behaviors over our life time solidify and begin to be set in their own ways. Caught in time the old dog of your inner life can indeed be taught new tricks. One of the most popular afflictions is an incorrect understanding of ones social duty or Dharma. In Norse Mythology Tir, the god of the generals and the symbol of masculinity, is represented by an upright arrow. When this Rune is pulled it is a call for assertive energy to be called into play. It is asking for you to be assertive in a healthy and balanced fashion to strive for the peak of strength and creativity in your life. To charge your batteries to their full capacity. To come full round and gain your happiness in the moment and peak your personal wonder. The crux of the issue is this, once you at the peak of your knowledge, wealth, or happiness; you must perform the return.

“Half way through the journey of our lives, I came to myself in a dark wood and found that I had lost the true way.” Dante; Divine Comedia

Now the Return is expressed by Plato returning his character to the cave with the light, Frodo coming back to free the Shire of bandits, and Prometheus returning with his torch. To take everything you have learned, experienced, felt, or gained and give it freely in a wise fashion. It does not mean to empty your bank account and give it to the first homeless man you see, for that might not be what he needs to progress. He might just take all of that money and lose it on the horses. He might of just needed some one to share a bologna sandwich and an ear to listen, simple justification of his existence. Now if you handed him your king’s ransom, you might be sharing the same refrigerator box! So give wisely of yourself, but do give. For Tir calls for you to never expire your future potential strength but to always give your kinetic strength. It is kind of like trying to provide the neighborhood with fresh eggs after you had roasted the hen.

There once was a man who had been a man working for Civil Engineering during the Roosevelt’s public works days, who upon retiring taught at Boston College free of charge to the incurring immigrants in his spare time. One of his students moved to Jersey and was responsible for the creation of what is commonly called a “Jersey Barrier”, which as fate would have it kept that professor alive and prevented him from leaping into oncoming traffic in the Sumner Tunnel entering Boston when his tire exploded. Now that is Dharma correctly lived. That is Social Duty played out well.

So as you come home from work at the end of a seventy hour week and Junior wants to play catch and you barely have enough energy to lift your brief case unto the table, what was it that Junior really needed? Was it your wealth, knowledge, concern, time, understanding, compassion, Love, friendship, or laughter? Or D, all of the above. In a well balanced fashion. Some times we are just doing exactly what our parents had done for us without knowing any better. Sure, we say ” I’ll never do that to my children!” We all exceed our parents mark. But how far off was theirs in the first place. We need to know this to truly understand where that balance is in life. For we all must be that Professor, friend, or father to all through out our whole life..

When we smile the whole world smiles with us, Yes it is a corny phrase, but it is same as when Christ had said in the Gospel of Thomas “..Lift that stone and there I am.” For you and me are the same person and the same essence as that stone. Much like your finger is part of your hand which is in part of yourself. As Christ was the Son of God and at the same time God himself, we shall also be the Alpha and the Omega. But then again your finger is still your finger. Now again, if that finger of yours is cut by a rusty nail and your tetanus shot has expired? Left to its own, can kill the rest of the organism. In Ancient Rome, they let the middle class dissolve into poverty thinking they can retain the wealth in the higher echelons of the few. Now the tax base dwindled down to close to nothing and the infrastructure collapsed. Before they had 6% of millions of citizens, but now was reduced to 6% of the wealthiest thousand. Also when a Plebe in a distant outskirts coughed on a traveling merchant, well when all roads lead to Rome it is not hard to see how the plague reached up into the Senate.

Come read other articles
like this one at TheGuide or learn about an old cantankerous old man in the 20’s and the pond he created. Come join the lifestyle @ Docspond

Christopher Jon Luke Dowgin has been a life coach for twenty years counseling
people and propietor of his own Artistic company Norgeforge.

Because of our well developed ability to rationalize (pronounced “rational - lies”), we can find an excuse for anything. Excuses usually sound something like this:

Well, I really wanted to, but I couldn’t because (fill in the blank with a great sounding excuse)

You know, I tried to do it, but (fill in the blank again)

I did mean to do that, but (you know what to do here)

Allow me to take just a moment to say: BULL! Barring nuclear war, economic collapse, or a threat to your life, there is always a way to meet your goals, when you are committed. Even then, there is probably a way to get it done anyway.

Simply put, when it comes to achieving the goals you have set, there are no excuses.

Accuse

A close cousin to making excuses, another easy way to rational-lies (there’s that word again) our falling is to accuse someone else. The thinking goes something like this: “if I can find a way to place the blame on someone or something else, then I am off the hook.”

Accusations often sound something like this:

The other guy didn’t do his part
My parents didn’t give me enough
My parents gave me too much
My father was a (fill in the blank)
My mother was a (fill it in)
I never get any breaks
I don’t know the right people
Yada-yada-yada-yada

Again, allow me to pause a moment to say: BULL! Let’s say all of the above factors are true, even true for just one person. Then here’s my question: “What does a person who got let down by a colleague, whose parents did too much/not enough, whose father was a this and whose mother was a that, and never gets any breaks nor knows the right people, (whew!) then do with the rest of their life?!?”

The answer lies, in part, on dropping the crutch like tendency to excuse and accuse, and develop the power to…….

Refuse

When we refuse to accept anything less than our goal, what were once large obstacles become mere challenges on which to sharpen our skills. Consider this quote from Napoleon Hill, author of “Think and Grow Rich”:

“Every person who wins in any undertaking must be willing to cut all sources of retreat. Only by doing so can one be sure of maintaining the state of mind known as a burning desire to win -essential to success.”

Then there’s an old story of a tribe in the southwest Pacific that can offer us some insight here. These folks would do a very interesting and empowering thing when they decided to sail to another island and take it over. Upon landing on the shore of the desired island, they would burn their boats. They was no retreat, and thus the commitment to meeting their goal was total and complete.

When we approach our goals with this kind of commitment and intensity, two very interesting things occur:

We build a momentum that is tough to beat
We develop a feeling of certainty that we will achieve our goals, no matter what.

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First, You must choose one goal and commit to it’s achievement. It seems that this is always the starting point isn’t it? It must be something that you feel you can not live without, or you must develop that feeling for it to work. Remember, reasons first, then action.

Did you choose one? Are you commited to making it a reality in your life? Did you decide that you must have it and absolutely will have it? Is it do or die? Are your reasons for having it, strong enough to propel you forward right now and compel you to action when you may not ‘feel’ like it? If not, then choose another one, this is no time to waste your energy on something you are not serious about.

Aggressively research and brainstorm all the ways you can get this goal. Do not consider any negative thoughts at this time. There is another time for that. Write them down quickly as you think of more. Use shortforms and abbreviations if you have to, but keep the flow of thought going for as long as it takes. This is a tremendously important part of the process.

Remember those negatives that kept coming up throughout the above? What challenges or problems will come up when you start taking action? What do you see happening or preventing you from getting what you want? Write these down also. Be honest with yourself, if you think it, write it down. There is no such thing as unimportant thought. It is all important, vitally important!

Next, come up with solutions that will take care of these problems. Write down multiple answers to each problem. Stay positive and focused on your target. Write down everything that comes to mind. All those things that could keep you from succeeding, come up with tons of ways to deal with them. This will give you unstoppable confidence in your ability to have what you want.

Break down your solutions into action steps, into small workable tasks that you can complete quickly. Break each step down into 5 smaller actions. Then break those down into 5 smaller ones. Keep breaking down tasks until you have absolute belief in yourself that you can and will do it, right now, today!. In fact, Break them down until they are ridiculously simple!

Small, simple actions are easy to accomplish, and when these particular actions are put together, they equal the goal result that you want. Belief becomes automatic because you “know” that there is nothing standing between you and your goal.

All that is left is to work your plan. You created it, you are commited to it, you must do it, so just do it, and go get your goal. Start with the first step and complete it right now, today. So what are you waiting for? Go For It!

Are you still here? Go get that goal! LOL!

No plan is perfect so there will inevitably be obstacles and distractions, little things which will stand in your way for temporary periods of time. When this happens, just break these down. And start again . . . and again. Stay flexible and adjust your approach when these occur. Believe, and have faith in the long term.

Adjust your plans and actions as necessary until you have what you want. The result is in the bag, it is a sure thing, all that will change are the strategies, and the timing. You will prevail. This is true. If this is a major complex goal, you will want to work it backwards through smaller goals, and then break them down into action steps.

Focus on the solution instead of the fear or doubt. This strategy will work for any goal you pick. Focus on what you want continuously, with passion, and with absolute faith, knowing that you have absolutely done everything necessary. Act with that level of belief, and certainty that causes miracles to happen! Go make your miracle!

Copyright 2004 Al Smith

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Al Smith writes for and publishes The Realgoalgetter Ezine. His articles deal mostly with goal setting, self improvement, motivation, and overall health and fitness. Stop by The Realgoalgetter Website and subscribe to The Realgoalgetter Ezine at http://www.realgoalgetter.com/ezines/index.html.

For me, I know it. I admit it. I am weak.

Yep. Weak.

I have the willpower of a 6-week old puppy.

But I have come to realize that I don’t really need willpower, at least not for most ‘avoidance’ issues.

How’s that?

First, I know I am weak, or at least that I have my weaknesses.

This is a key element. Know your weaknesses, and admit to them. Denial is another issue altogether.

Willpower will only take you so far, and yes, you may actually need it, but how do you succeed when you know your willpower, frankly, is more like will-weakness?

First off, this technique works best for ‘not doing’ though you can rearrange it at times to work for you in the ‘doing’ areas of your self-improvement and goal oriented areas of your life and work.

Since I know I am weak, or lack willpower in certain areas, the thing I practice is simple: avoidance.

That’s right. Simple, isn’t it? Too simple, you say?

Maybe not.

When you know you are prone to giving-in in certain situations, then the best ‘willpower’ tactic that takes zero willpower is avoidance.

Stay away from situations (and people) that put you in a position that brings out your weaknesses.

If you are trying to stop smoking, you should visit the smoking area at work? sit in the smoking areas at restaurants? drink coffee on your break with ‘the smokers’?

Nope.

Stay away. Remove the temptation, or at least reduce it by not putting yourself into situations or being around those people who tempt you.

If you’re on a diet, would you go to the all-you-can-eat buffet? Well, depends on the diet I guess, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t.

Allen Williams is a professional educator, speaker and writer. Get a free subscription to the PowerMeUp Newsletter and Goal Setting and Getting Course with a bonus book for a limited time at: http://www.PowerMeUp.com Personal and Professional Growth

How is it that intelligent people, who take time out to refocus and decide what they want to do with the rest of their life, don’t follow through?

How is that friendly outgoing people who makes friends easily and are really good fun to be with find it difficult to keep to their own goals?

How is it that people who hold down difficult and stressful jobs find it difficult to break habits that cause them so much physical, psychological and social discomfort?

How is it that even though you buy numerous self help books. Even though you understand all the facts and issues you still can’t stick to your goal?

So what is it?

What is it that bright, capable people can’t grasp?

What’s the answer?

You are working from the wrong premise. You have got the whole message the wrong way round. You are coming at the problem via the back door rather than walking straight in the front.

THIS IS THE PROBLEM

Whenever you work on goals, you are working on achieving some external result. Whether it be achieving end of month/ quarter/ year figures, stopping smoking, losing weight or starting a business.
When you chase goals like these, when you come from the place of what you are trying to achieve is external from you, you gradually switch off. Over time you catch yourself setting the goals but putting less and less effort into achieving them. Why? Because when you have achieved it, what do you do then? Do it again?

In a nutshell most of us have a goal habit. We aim at achieving these external things year on year and when we have reached them we are labelled a success. The problem is the feelings of happiness and contentment don’t last. That’s why we’re off again.

ANOTHER WAY

Instead of focussing on the end. Instead of focussing on how much weight you want to lose. How much money you want to earn. How much……… you want. It’s not a question of inspiration, it’s a question of intuition. . Focus on you. Yes YOU

Start to look at yourself.

Why are you setting these goals in the first place?

What are trying to achieve?

Most of us want to be happy. To feel fulfilled. To achieve peace of mind.
To feel successful. The trouble is that when you achieve your goals, you get a sense of success, fulfilment, happiness for a short time and then you’re off again. Another year another set of goals.

Hence it is not the achievement of a goal that is important but the achievement of the essence of the goal. The happiness. The fulfilment. The peace of mind.

But all of these things are inside you. You already have them. They’ve just got buried somewhere and need to be acknowledged.

As Dean Ornish Professor of Medicine at UCSF, USA stated at a recent conference in Monterey,

“Happiness is not to be pursued it’s there already
until we disturb it”.

You don’t need external goals to find them you just need to refocus.

As Eykis says In Wayne Dyer’s book, Gifts From Eykis:

“There is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way”.

In other words, we human beings, are like mirrors. We are happier, more contented and more fulfilled when our external results match our internal goals. In other words when we are at one with what we are doing. When our outside world and our inside world are interconnected.

You are always successful when you follow the inner voice. When you follow your intuition. When you follow your spirit. When you tap into your potential.

You are out of balance when you set outer goals that are contrary to your inner being. How do you know you are out of balance? You feel uncomfortable and you find it difficult to achieve your goals.

THE QUESTION NOW IS;

What is your inner voice saying to you?

There is no mistaking the correct goals to set yourself because you feel it is right. A light goes on inside. You feel passionate about what you have to do. You don’t want to stop. You enjoy everything about it. You have found your ‘in zone’. You feel really comfortable. You have now created the opportunity for happiness to reveal itself because happiness is to be found when you are flowing naturally rather than in pursuing external objectives.

When you find that what you want is the same as what you need. When you find something you really love doing until it hurts. When you are passionate about something you cannot stop yourself from doing it. You keep doing it because you, the creator are happy. It makes you feel good.

Eating two lettuce leaves in order to lose weight to please someone else does NOT make you passionate to lose weight.

The secret is to focus on YOU. Really work on what it is you want. Dig deep inside and find your unique talent. Your potential.

Take the time. Have the patience.

And very important don’t talk yourself out of it.

Don’t discourage yourself.

And keep away from people that enjoy discouraging you.

It may take longer than you think it ought. But you will get what you want.

Release your unstoppable passion. Now.

Good Luck

Graham and Julie
www.desktop-meditation.com

To improve your intuition, initiative and energy levels. Please go to:
http://www.desktop-meditation.com It’s free.

Why set goals? The process of goal setting raises questions and issues related to planning, specificity, and negotiation. Can an organization and its employees have compatible goals? Can both sides develop goals together to be more effective? Goal setting is a process for deciding where you want to go as an organization, as an employee and as an individual. Goals for management support the vision and strategic plan that an organization must have in order to stay alive and be successful. Goals for individuals support job success and individual development. When an organization and its (individual) members pull together to link their goals, overall success is the result.

Copyright AE Schwartz & Associates All rights reserved. For additional presentation materials and resources: ReadySetPresent and for a Free listing as a Trainer, Consultant, Speaker, Vendor/Organization: TrainingConsortium

CEO, A.E. Schwartz & Associates, Boston, MA., a comprehensive organization which offers over 40 skills based management training programs. Mr. Schwartz conducts over 150 programs annually for clients in industry, research, technology, government, Fortune 100/500 companies, and nonprofit organizations worldwide. He is often found at conferences as a key note presenter and/or facilitator. His style is fast-paced, participatory, practical, and humorous. He has authored over 65 books and products, and taught/lectured at over a dozen colleges and universities throughout the United States.

MyGoalManager.com’s system uses the following 12 major Goal Areas or Goal Types: Adventure, Artistic, Asset, Career, Charity, Family, Financial, Education, Health, Recreation, Social, and Spiritual. The system allows you to create personal Mission Statements for each of these Goals Areas which sets the foundation for your Goals in each area. These statements reflect your perceptions of the end result of all endeavors within a Goal Area. All of the Goals you set for a given Goal Type should be agree with its Mission Statement and should help fulfill the statement.

Mission Statements are broad and not specific like goals and they have no deadlines. Mission Statements might include phrases like “help as many people as I can”, “eat better”, “make more money”, or “be happier”. When writing Mission Statements ask yourself questions like “What would I like to accomplish and contribute?”. Your Mission Statements will most likely evolve over time and you may need to revise them as your objectives become clearer over time.

When you review your Goals be sure to also review your Mission Statements to make sure all of your Goals are aligned with your core values and priorities. MyGoalManager.com’s “Goal Plan Outline Report” shows all of your Mission Statements and Goals in a structured, easy to read format. Visit http://www.mygoalmanager.com to get help defining your Mission Statements and Goal Plan.

MyGoalManager.com is an easy to use Goal Setting and Achievement System that directs you step-by-step through prioritized goal definition, plan of action formulation, motivation, reminders, and guidance reviews. MyGoalManager.com is owned and operated by Gruve International (http://www.gruveintl.com).

According to an investigation, the unnamed man in his early 30s who worked as a Network Rail patrolman became crushed between two trains that had been moving in opposite directions for nearly 2 hours before the fire brigade were able to release him and send him by helicopter to hospital.

According to the investigation, the man was inflicted with a series of injuries to his legs back, head, and needed to be hospitalised for several weeks. The investigation lays a large percentage of the blame on the company management who according to the report failed to give consistent safety information to its railway workers.

According to the report from the Rail Accident Investigation Branch (RAIB) workers had been given insufficient instruction on how to conduct themselves when warned of a train approaching. Although two of the five men present were standing guard as lookouts, and they did give the proper signal warning of the two approaching trains, the man in question failed to respond to those warnings quickly enough and as a direct result he was trapped between the two trains as they passed by each other.

Companies need to be sure that they are giving the correct instructions to employees with regard to health and safety issues. Companies should make themselves fully aware of the most up-to-date requirements by visiting Workplace Law and looking at their highly regarded NEBOSH course.

“The stove is hot”

“It’s raining”

Provided with these statements and taking them to be facts our understanding of the world, at an emotional and cognitive level, adapts appropriately and we can tailor our behaviour to deal with the implications of these facts, for example, “stay away from the stove”, “get a coat”.

Such statements don’t need to be questioned. This of course doesn’t mean that they can’t be, but for practical purposes taking them at face value is unlikely to cause any of us anxiety or distress. If one were to take a Gibsonian view of these statements (which admittedly is a little odd as Gibson’s theories were concerned with visual perception) we might say that these facts “afford” a clear understanding of their meaning and implications. We are not bound by those implications, just as one is not bound by affordances in visual perception, but they provide opportunities and information for decision making in the widest sense, including thinking, feeling and behaving. Crucially, such statements are neutral, they are not laden with values and this might explain why we tend not to question them. However, the situation is not so simple. If we consider statements that are value laden there still is a tendency to treat them like they afford clear understanding of their meanings, and we don’t question them even though there may be a broader set of possibilities behind them.

Let’s consider some positive statements.

“You’re performance today was brilliant”

“You have a nice way of dealing with people”

Would you be prepared to take these statements, perhaps feel a little embarrassed, but take them as statement of fact and not question them? Probably. But what exactly do they mean? What makes up a brilliant performance, and how does knowing that help you hone your skills, adapt your emotions, thinking and behaviour? Equally, what constitutes a nice way of dealing with people? Knowing what “nice” consisted of, when regarding dealing with people, you could gauge your performance and use this knowledge of your attributes in other situations. We don’t tend to question the positives, but naively accept them, and in doing so we don’t really learn anything from them.

Objectively this is pure laziness, but if we explore this issue a little more deeply we can understand why this laziness makes a certain amount of sense. Think about the effort that would be involved in trying to tease apart the deeper meaning of what someone is trying to communicate with these positives. How would someone react if you asked in return, “What exactly do you mean when you say nice?” How would you react if someone asked you that after you had complimented them? It feels a little strange. Just like when we ask a casual acquaintance, “How are you doing?” we don’t expect to hear anything other than, “Not too bad”, we expect that a compliment should be enough. You look good; you did well, great goal, what else is there that you need to know?

Social convention dictates that positive information stops there, and this means that other than being a sense of comfort, reassurance and fostering good relations, it isn’t particularly functional. That isn’t to say that it isn’t pleasant and enjoyable, and can have strong motivational influences, but what do you learn?

Now let’s get a little paranoid - how much do you trust compliments and positive statements? 100%? Do you completely and absolutely take everything positive said to you without a tiny pinch of salt? Does your critical voice ever speak up and place nagging doubts in your mind, either about the speaker, or about how their opinion might be different if they knew you better? Let’s pretend that there are sometimes doubts. So, positives are not particularly informative, you can’t really learn from them and you can’t be entirely sure that they are 100% truthful. As far as personal growth goes perhaps they are not quite the bargain the might be. Feel good, yes, and that is powerful, but their power is coming from someone else. You haven’t increased your power from them, your personal understanding of your talents, skills, biases, weaknesses etc. Someone else is in a position of power to convey these blessings upon you, and as we’ve begun to suspect, they may not be 24 carat gold.

If neutral statements aren’t going to help us in our quest for personal growth and understanding, and positive statements aren’t, the only thing left would be the negative statements.

How could negative statements help us develop, after all, the negative statements that we are so good at keeping in our heads, that running commentary that intervenes and deflates us, probably couldn’t be considered to be a source of vital information that leads to our self-growth? That’s true. But it is through what we can learn from the negative reactions of others - the things they say, the way they respond, - that we can start to challenge the voices in our minds, and the voices outside.

If you know what it is that you are doing wrong, you can change it if you decide to do so. The great thing is that people are only too happy to let you know what it is that you are doing wrong. Probably the only thing people like better than talking about themselves is telling other people what’s wrong with them. Remember that you aren’t obliged to change to satisfy anyone, but if you want or need to develop in a certain area of your life, then knowing where you are now, and how that isn’t as good as required, and knowing the specifics of where you are going wrong, it’s almost like you have been given a map of how to develop. Now that’s a map worth having, and you’re getting it for free. Whilst someone else might feel that they are getting to vent at you, you can collect useful information and use that to build up an understanding of what is expected, and develop strategies to get there.

Who is it that is benefiting, the person criticising, or the person criticised?

http://www.hypnotherapies.co.uk